Codependency and Addiction | Links, Signs and Treatment

Codependency is when someone excessively relies on another person for emotional or psychological support, often to the detriment of their own well-being. It’s like feeling you can’t function or be happy unless the other person is okay. This relationship pattern can make it hard to set boundaries and prioritise your own needs, leading to an unbalanced dynamic that can be unhealthy for both parties involved.

Although codependency isn’t currently recognised in the DSM-V, which makes it tough to diagnose, many doctors recognise and understand the condition.

What are the signs of a codependency?

Spotting the signs of codependency in yourself or others is crucial for addressing the issue swiftly and effectively. Recognising these patterns can pave the way for healthier relationships and emotional well-being. Whether it’s you or someone you care about, being aware of the signs can help break the cycle and foster a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Excessive caretaking: Constantly putting others’ needs before your own, often to your detriment. This can lead to neglecting your own health, well-being and personal goals.
Low self-esteem: Feeling unworthy or inadequate, often seeking validation and approval from others to feel good about yourself. This can result in relying on others for your sense of identity and self-worth.
People-pleasing: Going out of your way to please others, even at the expense of your own happiness and needs. You might agree with things you don’t truly believe in or avoid expressing your true feelings to avoid conflict.

Control issues: Trying to control others’ behaviour, decisions or emotions to maintain a sense of security. This can manifest as being overly involved in others’ lives or feeling responsible for their happiness.
Denial of personal needs: Ignoring or downplaying your own needs and desires, often convincing yourself that they are less important than those of others. This can lead to burnout and resentment over time.
Fear of abandonment: An intense fear of being abandoned or rejected, leading to clinging to relationships, even when they are harmful. This fear can drive many of the other behaviours associated with codependency.

Recognising these signs is the first step towards addressing codependency. If you identify with any of these behaviours, seeking support from a therapist or support group can be incredibly beneficial in developing healthier relationships and self-esteem.

How can codependency occur?

Codependency occurs for a variety of reasons, often rooted in a person’s upbringing and life experiences. Here are a few key reasons and situations that explain how it can develop:

Dysfunctional family dynamics

Growing up in a family where addiction, mental illness or abusive behaviour is present can lead to codependency. A child in a home with an alcoholic parent may learn to prioritise the parent’s needs over their own, constantly trying to manage the parent’s emotions and behaviours to keep peace in the household.

Lack of healthy boundaries

When individuals don’t learn to set and respect boundaries, they can become overly involved in others’ lives and emotions. An adult who was never taught to say “no” as a child might find themselves constantly trying to fix others’ problems, even at the expense of their own well-being.

Low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem may derive their sense of worth from being needed by others. Someone who feels unworthy or unlovable might enter relationships where they take on a caretaker role, believing that by helping or rescuing their partner, they can earn love and validation.

Past trauma

Experiences of trauma, such as abuse or neglect, can lead to behaviours aimed at maintaining control and avoiding further pain. A person who has experienced significant trauma might become hyper-vigilant about others’ needs and feelings, hoping to prevent any negative outcomes that could trigger their past trauma.

Unresolved psychological issues

Unaddressed mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, could contribute to codependent behaviours as a coping mechanism. Someone dealing with chronic anxiety might focus on managing others’ lives to distract from their own feelings of anxiety, believing that if everyone else is okay, they will feel okay, too.

In each of these situations, the common thread is an overemphasis on others’ needs at the expense of one’s own, leading to patterns of enabling, controlling or excessively caretaking behaviours. Understanding these root causes can be the first step toward breaking the cycle of codependency.

Is there a link between codependency and addiction?

Yes, there is a strong link between addiction and codependency. These two conditions often influence and exacerbate each other.

When codependency is the primary issue, individuals may turn to drugs or alcohol to manage stress and negative emotions. This reliance on substances can be a way to cope with the anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges commonly associated with codependency. This self-medicating behaviour increases the risk of developing an addiction.

Conversely, when addiction is the primary condition, it can lead to codependent behaviours. Those struggling with addiction may rely heavily on certain people to alleviate their feelings of guilt and shame. Addiction can create feelings of loneliness and vulnerability, which may lead individuals to become dependent on loved ones for validation and a sense of self-worth. This dynamic can further complicate their mental health and overall well-being.

Understanding the interplay between these two conditions is crucial for effective treatment and recovery. Addressing both addiction and codependency simultaneously can help individuals build healthier relationships and develop more effective coping strategies.

How are codependency and addiction treated?

Treating addiction and codependency at Linwood House requires a comprehensive and compassionate approach. We understand that stabilising codependency is crucial before addressing addiction, as the two conditions often intertwine and can hinder the recovery process.

Many individuals with codependency might feel compelled to leave rehab to return to their caregiving roles or might rely too heavily on another person to stay committed to treatment. By stabilising these tendencies first, we can create a solid foundation for effective addiction counselling.

Our treatment programmes incorporate various therapies that address both addiction and codependency:

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviours. For those struggling with codependency, it also addresses people-pleasing tendencies, promoting healthier relationships and self-sufficiency.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT): DBT focuses on mindfulness, distress tolerance and emotion regulation. These skills are vital for managing stress and emotions without seeking validation from others or turning to substances.
Family therapy: This therapy involves the individual and their family members, improving communication, setting healthy boundaries and addressing dysfunctional dynamics that contribute to codependency. It also helps families support their loved ones in recovery.

What are the next steps?

If you or a loved one are struggling with codependency and addiction, now is the time to seek help. Linwood House offers a compassionate and comprehensive treatment programme designed to support your journey to recovery. Our experienced team is ready to provide the care and guidance you need. Don’t wait—reach out to Linwood House today and take the first step toward a healthier, happier life.

Frequently asked questions

What is a codependent relationship?

A codependent relationship is characterised by an unhealthy dependence on one another, where one partner often sacrifices their own needs, desires, and well-being to support or care for the other. This dynamic typically involves enabling behaviours, where one partner may allow the other to engage in unhealthy behaviours (such as substance abuse) while taking on the role of caregiver or rescuer. In such relationships, boundaries are often blurred, leading to a lack of personal autonomy and an imbalance of power.

I think I might have codependency, how do I go about getting a codependency diagnosis?

While codependency is not formally classified as a mental health disorder, it can significantly impact one’s emotional and relational well-being. If you suspect you have codependency, consider reaching out to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, who can help assess your relationship patterns and behaviours.

How can I help my codependent partner?

Supporting a codependent partner means encouraging them to seek professional help, like therapy, to address their relationship patterns and establish healthy boundaries. Communicate your observations and concerns openly and without judgement to create a safe space for them to express their feelings. Encourage them to pursue their interests and develop their sense of self outside the relationship. Additionally, setting healthy boundaries for yourself can foster a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.

(Click here to see works cited)

Knapek E, Kuritárné Szabó I. A kodependencia fogalma, tünetei és a kialakulásában szerepet játszó tényezők [The concept, the symptoms and the etiological factors of codependency]. Psychiatr Hung. 2014;29(1):56-64. Hungarian. PMID: 24670293.
“Are Codependent Relationships Unhealthy?” Simply Psychology, 23 Jan. 2024, www.simplypsychology.org/is-codependency-bad.html.
Panaghi L, Ahmadabadi Z, Khosravi N, Sadeghi MS, Madanipour A. Living with Addicted Men and Codependency: The Moderating Effect of Personality Traits. Addict Health. 2016 Apr;8(2):98-106. PMID: 27882207; PMCID: PMC5115643.
Evgin D, Sümen A. Childhood abuse, neglect, codependency, and affecting factors in nursing and child development students. Perspect Psychiatr Care. 2022 Oct;58(4):1357-1371. doi: 10.1111/ppc.12938. Epub 2021 Aug 27. PMID: 34448498.